I've felt the urge to write for the first time in a long time. 2023 hasn't been completely awful; however it hasn't been terribly kind either. There's been some loss and persistent illness. I've struggled spiritually; my personal practice has faltered. My hope for 2024 is to advance in my public work and deepen/strengthen my personal work. I'm dedicating part of the website to Hekate as part of some devotional work. I'm also planning on following though with (at least weekly head-wrapping), observing the deipnons, and re-dedicating myself to using the Greek Alphabet Oracle.
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I feel like this year is going by crazy fast to make up for the slow drag that was 2020 and 2021. I've been pretty good about keeping other parts of this website updated, but I realized I haven't been talking much here.
Work is going really well; I daresay that this is the best job I've held. There are stressors and problems, like any other workplace; however, the team is solid, the benefits are great, and I have nowhere near the same kind of pressure as I've had at my other jobs. I'm so thankful I broke free from social services. It's been the best change. I was at a ritual that focused heavily on divination. I used the GAO on the questions and got the above results when asking about myself; however, I was struggling with what the noble deed is that I need to undertake to fulfill the golden oracle. I then drew these tarot cards: and I mean, they seem to tell a very cohesive story of what I need to be doing; however, when I've been thinking about the two paths I have to travel, I was not putting much stock in the path the cards appear to lay out for me. Most of the discussions with HW prior to this seemingly appeared to lead to me going for my 3rd Degree, rather than knighthood, whereas this reading seems to indicate that I should be thinking about it the other way. At any rate, I'm not exactly looking to elevate before either Autumn Equinox or Samhain, so I've got time to mediate on these messages and seek clarity.
For my 3rd Degree, I've been working on a portfolio that includes one guided mediation, rituals for each Sabbat, and rites of passages for the many stages of life. It's been touch and go; some of the rituals I've already written, others are in various parts of construction, and still others I haven't yet tackled. There's also a book report in progress. There's lots of irons in an insufficient, but persisting fire. I'm trying to take things just one day at a time, which also means I should be writing more frequently. Mostly, I like writing here; this blog is my comfy home. I don't know if anyone really reads this here, but I still feel like it's my own space, a bay window with full sunshine. It was also nice cracking open the Tarot deck; something I haven't done in quite awhile. Although I've come to mostly rely on GAO, the cards (specifically this particular deck) gave a more intimate reading. I feel like I can get that more specific kind of reading with the GAO if I continue to practice with them. Regardless, using the deck was a nice reminder to keep those cards at hand, even if I still have to look up the card meanings. Here's to 2022! It's been a minute since I blogged, and there's a lot to catch up on.
I got a job offer on Winter Solstice and I happily accepted. The best part for me is that it's not a call center gig and it doesn't involve social work. It's at an institute of higher education and there are some great educational perks attached to the job; perhaps I can get that elusive Masters degree back on track. I cannot emphasize enough how excited I am to get out of social work/social services work. A huge wave of relief has washed over me and I am hopeful that this new job will lead to some meaningful opportunities. The job doesn't start until the 1/18, and while it sucks to go that long without a paycheck, it did allow me to utilize a nice, long holiday break. I got to go home for the holidays for the first time in a really long time. It meant a lot to me to be home. I've missed my mom so much, and I got to meet her partner; a truly upstanding man. L and I helped him inventory his shop for couple of days; this gave me a deep appreciation for how hard he works. I got to spend time with my uncle; I worry about the amount of stress he has in his life. He thought my Clorox water bottle was hilarious so I ordered him one and it actually got to him before I left. In addition to the comfort of humans, I got to spend time with critters, including a young goat so sweet he's practically a dog. It was hard being away from the cats and the snake, but they did just fine without us and were very snuggly (well at least the cats were) when we got home. I am excited to pick back up on the temperature blanket project. On November 8th, I got fired. Really, it was only a matter of time. I was trying to find a job and leave on my own terms, but they beat me to it. I had made peace with it a long time ago. I felt like I had been set up to fail and I just do not have the temperament for the job. I don't handle being yelled at very well; my hands get shaky. I tried too hard to help people (per my co-workers, the clients need to be more self-sufficient). I had terminate a family's benefits for a bullshit reason. They scheduled for a week's worth of training during November, a month that ended up with only eight working days and I had 25 families to schedule interviews with (not counting the inevitable re-rescheduling that has to take place). I was told repeatedly that "this isn't life and death, it's just paperwork" and that I had to be there at least a year to feel really comfortable at the job. But then they told me I should've been at 80% accuracy at 3 months, and that to meet their expectations to keep the job, I needed to be there at 6 months. I was told by one of the auditors that she hated the way I organized the paper (yep they're still using paper) files. I didn't come up with the organization myself; I took notes and organized them as I had been 'trained' and had actually been audited and had work returned to me by said 'trainer" when she didn't like the way I did it. I told one of the auditors that I was feeling overwhelmed and sometimes it was brushed aside and I was told I was doing well. Until I wasn't, and then it was admonitions that it was only going to get harder, because I wasn't at a full caseload. I was told to count a working person's 401k as an asset months ago, but then was told at the end of October to not count it because it's not considered a resource while someone's working. Different auditors. I was told by my 'trainer' to ask for 2019 and 2020 tax returns on all the cases, and then was told by other workers that this is only really needed when the clients are self-employed. When I told my 'trainer' that I was thinking about going to grad school, she told me that it would be hard to have anything more than the rules and regulations of the job and that as I stayed there, that would be all that I could talk about with other people. That is not the life I want. So when I got a calendar invite for a "staffing" with 15 minutes left in the day, I was not surprised. especially when I stopped by the supervisor's desk and saw a small box on her desk. I barely glanced over the official letter that went over my termination. The HR guy tried his best to console me, but I didn't need consoling. I was and am so relieved. I was so sick of the ever present feeling of dread. I didn't beg to keep my job. Hell, that previous Friday, I had left work during my lunch break for a job interview. I'd been applying for a new job since September. As I was escorted back to my office and watched while I cleared my things out, I handed back the unused gift card that I had been given during Employee Appreciation Week, and when I told them that supervisor that she could give it to the next person, it took her back a bit. I told her I never felt like I had earned it. She asked me if I wanted to stay in the office until L picked me up and I told her no, that I was content to wait outside. I hope I was her least difficult termination. So while it sucks to not contribute income to the household, it's been such a relief to not be there. Of course, I've been applying for jobs and started the process that is filing for unemployment. I'm getting 8 hours (at least) of sleep a day. I'm catching up on chores and books. I'm writing (obviously) and made some pretty things the other day. I'm getting my BOS together along with a portfolio of my work to begin the process of either obtaining my 3rd Degree Initiation or knighthood. While I'm concerned about money and health insurance, I have some savings and am still in a time frame to get on L's health insurance. I'm getting interviews. Fingers crossed something comes along soon. I realize every job has its stressors, but this one came with too much for me. I need to get out of social services. I don't think I can handle the clientele anymore. Of course not all clients are bad,, in fact, most are pretty good; however, the entitled ones, the screaming ones, the ones that call four times an hour, or show up angry with problems that don't involve my work and that I can not remedy have worn me down. I'd be so happy to work a job with minimal interaction and let my compassion and patience levels return me to the person I strive to be. |
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